I really ought to get back to reading the I Ching. As a way of life it has taught me much in the past and I felt as though I could move through life much more gracefully. I want to get that feeling back.
I haven't felt alive alive for ages. Much of the time it's as though I'm moving through fog, which is threatening to become a pea-souper. That'll be work then. Trouble is it spills out into the rest of life as well. I don't get much out of my spare time either. Life outside work seems to be misty and vague with no real sense of purpose or direction.
It's only lately that I've been going out more with friends. It feels good to be amongst them. Perhaps more of the same and less time spent in front of the TV or the computer of an evening would do me the world of good. Something to get ready for now and then. Something to exercise my mind and possibly my body. I keep wanting to walk more and some of them get together regularly for walks. I might not be able to make the Friday walk but could persuade someone else to come with me. I wonder if Mick would. We can take Ozzy with us.
I need some sort of regularity. I need to know that things are likely to happen and that, as far as possible, they will. I know things change, it's part of life ... well, it's all of life actually ... and plans don't always come about. It's the making of those plans that's important to me though. I've got nothing to look forward to otherwise.
Oh, there are plans made for the year ... not many but some ... but it's not the Amsterdam-in-June or the Eire-in-August ones I'm talking about. They're something exciting to look forward to but don't give that regular feel-good factor. I'm talking about the short term plans, the daily, weekly and monthly ones to look forward to. The ones that keep the seratonin levels up. The involvement, the banter, the camaraderie that cones from being with friends.
I guess I'm trying to find meaning to life as well. The subtle meaning that nurtures me and everyone around me. The calming, purposeful Way that I've touched before. It's in the soul.