Tuesday 28.10.08 01:00
I'm not who I thought I was, am I?
I'm not what I thought I was either, am I?
I'm not the spontaneous, happy-go-lucky, accommodating, laid back person I thought I'd been. I can be all those things - and more often than not - but it can be selective at times.
If I've had a road map of life I haven't considered it. I think I've always had this picture in my head of where I want to be and strive for that. But just up the road and I come across a No Entry sign. The road's blocked and I haven't got a clue where to go now. Niadh has his side roads mapped out, but he was always good at reading maps anyway
It was something I didn't even consider before speaking to Niadh tonight. I hadn't really thought about the 'who am I?' question in depth either. Oh, I have in passing. I've felt it at times when I retreat into my home (my shell?) and just be indoors. It's like I can't get enough of being here but it gets a bit lonely and claustrophobic at times and I don't know what to do about it. The solution at the time seems to be to stay here even more because that might make it better. But that doesn't work either.
Consequently, I become more withdrawn and less adventurous and spontaneous, etc. Deep down somewhere I'd be quite happy at home with me slippers on and me cup of tea and the paper. I've turned into an old fogey!!
That's not to say I haven't got a sense of adventure. When I've done something exciting in life I've loved it. Whether it was being fired into the air on an elastic catapult in Bulgaria, camping in the Brecon Beacons or on safari in Africa, I loved it all. Whatever happened to the day out Mick and I and Rick talked about? We need to do something. I need to do something.
Solution?:- Get out and do something then. You'll appreciate being at home more.