January 11, 2014

A Very Modern Car

I bought a little car a while ago, a Peugeot 206. It's very nippy and compact and I love it. It's blue-silver, even though the registration documents say it's silver.

I like to be a little different.

It has some automatic devices and settings, which are quite handy as well; the lights come on automatically when it gets dark enough to have them on. I like that bit. The fog lights don't come on automatically when it gets foggy though, something that would be quite handy as I always forget where the fog light switch is and then have to scrabble around dangerously - in the fog - looking for the switch.

When these automatic devices are active, a sign lights up on my dashboard to tell me. I like that bit too. It feels modern.

One day a sign lit up that got me rather nervous and led me to believe the car had belonged to someone fervently religious, perhaps a Catholic.

'Automatic Whipping Active', it said.

I didn't know how to turn this one off, which was worrying for a while. Mind you, I didn't know how to turn off the other settings either but they were handy ones that I liked having set to ON. I like to be a bit different, but not this different.

Was this a setting for the lazy self-flagellator; have a machine do it for you rather than DIY? I would guess, having never tried it, that self-flagellation would be dangerous while driving and would rank along with mobile phone usage and steering with your knees while driving with your hands behind your head - something you could be filmed doing and then find yourself posted to YouTube. How embarrassing would that be? I wondered how many points someone would get on their licence if they were stopped for flagellating themselves while driving.

The device never activated itself and I didn't find myself being flagellated. I could only guess it would do it if I did something that deserved penitence.

I pointed it out to a friend one day.

"You silly bugger," he said, in the way old friends can call me a silly bugger. "It says, 'Automatic Wiping Active.'"

Now I'm worried about my seating position.

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